Why being an Arsenal fan is like being in a bad relationship

The classic relationship trap -- you get together with a jerk, everything is okay at first, then he starts to treat you not-so-well, but every once in a while you are REALLY happy, so you stay, hoping for more of those increasingly-rare moments. And this, in fact, is my relationship with Arsenal. The first flush of love: we win against Manchester United at Old Trafford. Yay! We draw against Chelsea. Okay, not bad. We play a beautiful game against Reading. Signs that things may not be going so well: we struggle against Watford, but still win. Loss to Sheffield. But then things get better and I have reason to believe: amazing win against Manchester United, at home. Thump Liverpool twice, in a week. Crush Charlton. Then the co-dependency/downward slide begins: Watford. Wigan. Champions League. Carling Cup. FA Cup. And now Everton.

And, just like in a bad relationship, I can't figure out what's wrong! Yes, we're missing Henry and van Persie. And Adebayor. However, our midfield is strong, with Hleb and Rosicky and the always-pretty-amazing Cesc. Gallas is back at defense. Gilberto is always solid, as is Toure. So, Arsenal, what's up? Am I not pretty enough? Would losing ten pounds fix the problem? Should I be more like your ex-girlfriend? WHAT? Just tell me and I'll do it. But stop breaking my heart. I can't take it anymore. (Not that there's anything you can do to make me leave. That's the sad part. Sigh.)